I work in an animal hospital, while going to college for my Substance Abuse Counseling certification. This job has been a wonderful teaching experience for me regarding people and their feelings.
I can remember being in my early 20's, starting out in this business and literally taking on every single person's negative feeling that came my way--I had to fix it, make it better somehow, absorb it, and if I couldn't help them, I'd argue with them and feel like crap the rest of the day. Yikes! What a way to live! Chalk it up to inexperience & immaturity, for sure.
At 39 years old, I practice every day looking BEYOND the anger; and it's still difficult.
I see people at their worst--upset because they just found out their dog has cancer, mad because they are embarrassed because they bounced a check at our facility, frustrated because I can't give them medical advice over the phone for the vague description of symptoms their pet is experiencing & they don't want to pay for an office visit, afraid because they have been casing all the neighborhoods for their lost animal and don't know where to turn, and distraught because the dog that has been a part of their family for the last 15 years is being brought to the clinic for it's final time.
These individuals, dealing with their personal trauma, sometimes lash out at the nearest person---many times it's me.
This is not abnormal behavior, I have concluded. I am practicing listening beyond the hurtful words.
Think of how many times you have listened to a person who is distraught or frightened or very sad or deeply disappointed. Often, their words come out rambling, and make no sense at all. You may even have caught yourself saying, “You’re not even making sense.” You might even have used this as a defense during some verbal exchange. A person who listens to words rather than feelings often will throw another’s words back in their face, reciting what they have just said word for word in order to show them that they are making no sense at all. Right about then is when the other person will say, “Can you hear anything at all about how I am FEELING?”
So, that's what I am learning every day---look beyond the words.
I had a woman the other day, come out of the exam room visibly angry. Her cat was having x-rays. We had 2 technicians & 1 doctor working on her case--keeping the wild cat calm, trying to get x-rays, developing them, and interpreting them. This, of course does not take a mere 10 minutes; the lapse of time that this woman had been waiting. Mind you, we had our other 3 exam rooms filled and the other doctor in 1 of the rooms, while the other 2 rooms had to wait.
She sees the other doctor come out of his exam room & grab a cup of coffee(we keep it flowing all day as we get no breaks) and she yells at me, "I want to know what is going on with MY cat, while all of you are on coffee break?"
Now, reacting to this outburst seems sooooooooo logical. "You stupid bitch, don't you see all these other people are waiting because YOU, who did not bother to make an appointment for you sick cat, barge in forcing us to keep other people waiting!"
Instead, I took a deep breath, walked her back into the exam room & calmly said, "With some patience, we should have some answers for you very soon, I can hear in your voice how frightened you are for your cat." With that, her angry face fell away and she began bawling, sobbing; because that was EXACTLY what was going on. I had acknowledged her feelings & not reacted to her attacking. She then apologized for her behavior.
It still amazes me how it happens, but almost every time, it changes the whole scenario.
It's not a huge deal when this happens every once in awhile, but when it happens several times a day, I get spent. It takes a great deal of energy to be conscious of other people's feelings and look beyond the words.
People do not always say what they mean or mean what they say when they are distraught.
I will say it IS very good practice for my counseling career.
Peace,
Deanna
